party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
