Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
