In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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