sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
