And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
