Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
