Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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