what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
