Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
