Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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