whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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