At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do herpes really smell.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
