something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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