Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
how does that bad decision feel?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
