Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
