sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
