What did we do last night that was yellow?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
