I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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