he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
