im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
