Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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