Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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