Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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