I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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