ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
