smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
