Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
