I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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