i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
