Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
