It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
