we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
