a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So. Much. Porn.
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