nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
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It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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