from now on my penis is your penis
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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