There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
