I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
