he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
