I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
fuck your aforementioned shoe
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Randomize
