Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
