i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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