im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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