Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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