k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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