I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
