Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
