Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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