I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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