Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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