the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
