wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
