I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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