forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
