I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
