how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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