Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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