im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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