all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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