He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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