office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize