that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
