my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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