names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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