the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
