At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
