i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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