ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
