direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
pop tarts are not kleenex
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
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