he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
