oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
