I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
